mirella: (Default)
mirella ([personal profile] mirella) wrote2003-11-17 07:40 pm

How to scare off callers with just a little TMI

I don't think Southern Electric will be trying to sell us gas in the near future. [livejournal.com profile] smallclanger has taken to filling his nappy approximately once a week (ok, sometimes it's a little more often but...). This is good for the first few days, then he starts to be rather farty, and then when the nappy is filled - *phew!*. It takes a lot longer to clean up than you'd imagine, since he often 'gets' his clothes as well. Today I caught him just before the nappy started leaking, and whisked him off onto the changing station, which I covered liberally with paper towels. Just as well because once the nappy was off, more came out (and he weed on his dungarees too, the silly boy). So when the doorbell rang there was no way I could really answer it. The hall light was on and the changing station is essentially in view of the door, albeit through stippled-effect glass and down the hall. I waved, hoping the person at the door would see, and called out that I would be there in a minute. The doorbell went again. Thinking I would go down and answer it shortly, I got the worst of the mess off [livejournal.com profile] smallclanger so that, if necessary, I could wrap him in a muslin (plenty of them, easy to wash) and carry him to the door. Doorbell went again, and I called out again, and waved again. The person knocked on the door (which I hatehatehate, it's glass, it sounds horrid). [livejournal.com profile] smallclanger giggled. Doorbell went again. I lost it slightly, figured that if it was someone important they'd understand and if it wasn't they jolly well deserved it, and carried [livejournal.com profile] smallclanger, unwiped, dirty-side-forward, down the hall and opened the door.
"Southern Electric. Can I ask who you buy your gas from?"
[thinks: oh, how polite. No name, no ID. And no, you bloody well can't ask. I don't actually know, or care.]
Waving disgustingly mucky baby in front of me: "I'm rather busy." Shuts door. Mouths rude words under breath. Baby giggles and attempts to wee on me.

Well it wasn't polite but dang, if I don't feel a lot better for doing it. Now if there was just an aural way of doing it to telemarketers and the like.

[identity profile] weibchenwolf.livejournal.com 2003-11-17 12:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Polite?! You're supposed to be polite to these people?

I think I just learned something new ;)

Of course for me, currently, the best way of scaring them off is for me to simply answer the door in a skirt. That seems to worry them :) (it'll be better once the facial hair is gone. you'll see ;)

But is it (f)art?

[identity profile] j4.livejournal.com 2003-11-17 12:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Now if there was just an aural way of doing it to telemarketers and the like.

What you need is a fart machine (http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/ProductDetails.aspx?product=FARMAC&language=en-GB). "Sorry, I'm just changing my baby's nappy... [loud squishy farty noise] ... oh dear, it's all over the place now... [etc.]"

[identity profile] bafleyanne.livejournal.com 2003-11-17 12:58 pm (UTC)(link)
[livejournal.com profile] smallclanger is a bit young for this tactic just yet, but I have friends who regularly hand the 'phone to their toddler children when telemarketers call. Sounds like an amusing idea, at the very least. :)
ext_44: (treguard)

[identity profile] jiggery-pokery.livejournal.com 2003-11-22 01:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Someone who used to be a telemarketer (http://www.livejournal.com/users/trollprincess/137781.html) posts a telemarketer's revenge tactic for dealing with such people: attempt to teach said toddler an interesting new word which the parents might not wish toddler to learn.

I dearly hope she's joking.

[identity profile] land-girl.livejournal.com 2003-11-17 02:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, I did enjoy this :)

When Ralph was a toddler I had a series of cold calls which were very irritating, but they came to an abrupt end: one day Ralph bit me while I was on the telephone, and I screamed, and he screamed, and I never got another one after that ...

Incidentally he did love the telephone. More than once we had a real telling off because he had called 999, and I remember him holding the 'phone once and [livejournal.com profile] mzdt on the other end saying Ralph - is that you? Obviously there was only one person whose heavy breathing sounded quite like that ...

[identity profile] mzdt.livejournal.com 2003-11-19 12:48 am (UTC)(link)
I still don't understand how he did that, you know...

[identity profile] land-girl.livejournal.com 2003-11-19 03:34 pm (UTC)(link)
The answer is disappointingly simple :)

Where's the post you wrote this morning about everybody being lovely? I was going to write something about that ...

[identity profile] mzdt.livejournal.com 2003-11-20 02:03 am (UTC)(link)
I'd half intended to some real, tangible introductions of people, but kind of wimped out half way through; I thought I'd check with a couple of people that they actually wanted to be introduced to anyone. And besides which, it might just end up being a bit crass. So it's on hold, really. Nothing to stop you saying what you were going to say in your own journal, though... ;-)

[identity profile] opensourceress.livejournal.com 2003-11-17 04:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Sod politeness! Have you noticed the recent trend amongst telemarketers whereby if you tell them you're not interested they no longer say, "Thank you for your time, goodbye" or whatever - they just hang up? I get more of these calls than most because of work, and having noticed this happening a lot I now have no qualms with being as rude to them as I like!

[identity profile] junipertree.livejournal.com 2003-11-17 05:58 pm (UTC)(link)
tee hee. Your son and my daughter could have conversations about their pooing habits...

I just tell telemarketers that I'm the babysitter. Or the maid. Or, if they are selling siding or windows, that I rent. I'm evil that way...Or, if they call and ask for Mrs. P (the phone is still in my maiden name), I tell them that Mrs. P is my mother and she doesn't live here. That generally confuses them enough so that they get off the phone.

[identity profile] mzdt.livejournal.com 2003-11-19 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
The Telephone Preference Service seems to work for me.

One tactic is to say 'sorry, just got to answer the door' or something, and then just wander off, leaving them hanging on, and on...

I guess that this only serves to piss off the underpaid callers rather anything else, but it made me feel better.